and of all the places to accuse me of stealing...

it had to be walmart. lemme tell you, i've been in neiman marcus and nordstroms and have gotten FAR better treatment. and they are stores with a 'snooty' rep. and when i've been there, marvelled at the cost of a handbag the saleslady was nothing but polite to me, even though it was obvious i couldn't afford a luis vitton.

i had bought an item at walmart a few days ago. realizing the item was too large for me without even opening the package (and it was in kid's sizes!) i went to return it. of course, my desire to lower my carbon footprint and not use plastic bags led me into trouble. and here we have places like walmart stressing being 'green' and 'envrionmentally friendly'. yeah right!

i went in to the walmart to return the item, which, at the time was in my purse when i walked in. seeing as it was a small item, i saw no need to get a plastic bag when i bought it. once i got to the proper area of the store, i grabbed the smaller size, compared it to the item i had previously bought, got out my receipt and went to the cashier. the lady sent me to customer service.

so, with my item to be returned WITH receipt in one hand and my item i was exchanging it for in the other, i went to explain to customer service my desire for an exchange. so the customer service rep (who was actually nice and professional) told me i needed a return sticker on my item. i had to walk down to the entrance and have it put on my item. no biggie. of course, at this time two asshole employees had come up behind me and were coping an attitude. figured it wasnt about me, since it was fairly OBVIOUS i didnt steal anything, but nevertheless...

those two assholes from loss prevention got the idea in their heads that i had apparently stolen a pair of socks. yes, socks that cost a few dollars. because apparently the receipt in my DAMN HAND wasnt enough proof i bought them there.

so when i come back, customer service rep is on the phone with loss prevention. and guess what those assholes said while i was STANDING RIGHT THERE at the desk:

they accused me of stealing. saying things such as 'she didn't come in here with that shit' 'wow, what a stupid thing to do, steal a pair of socks. now she can sit in jail over something that stupid.' 'she'll be crying when the cops get here.' 'she's gonna have to learn the hard way.' and then they left. while my rep had to speak to loss prevention on the phone. i picked up on the matter, and horrified, told the rep they could look at the cameras to show that i didn't steal anything.

eventually everything was worked out. now, i wouldn't have minded the phone call the customer service rep had to make, but those comments were WAY OUT OF LINE. those shits are lucky they ran their cowardly asses off or they wouldn't have heard the end of it from me. and you bet i spoke to the manager about it.

can't wait to pass this story along...

moldy bread = ghetto sandwich

so i was going to make a sandwich. i was pretty damn hungry. and the rest of my lovely 79 cent loaf of bread was beyond consuming. i made a sandwich the other day with it, just cut the mold away. the things we do when we're hungry...but today...


yeah, that white stuff is mold. ok, so it's not green mold, but i have standards now since i'm becoming housebroken. i was hungry and thought, ' well, i'll just skip the bread part'. i'm already going without lettuce since i just composted my last crop. looking around my kitchen i managed to score some ritz crackers someone had left at my place and came up with this cuisine:

lunchables anyone? i think this is how it got started...

apparently i look like a homeless heathen...

so today, i was out doing errands in a 'car-necessary' city, walking in the heat with a backpack. i figured the exercise would do me some good. lemme tell ya- i was dripping sweat, but at least it wasn't cold out.

after picking up a few items from a store, i decided to hit the gas station for a quick snack since i had managed to forget to eat today. i should explain this: i only eat when i'm hungry. so it may be at 5pm or 2am. and as much or as little as i need. this is how i can pull off eating crap food sometimes.

at the side of the station, while cars line up for the pump amidst the rush hour traffic, there is a nice small grassy patch of land with some trees to beat the heat. ignoring the 'no loitering' sign, i sat down with my diet coke and chips. hey, i was a paying customer!

i noticed a small bus in one of the parking spaces with teenagers/early 20s people inside. i figured it must be some sort of after school group. two got out for a cigarette. ok, over 18 years olds. they had gone in to get some snacks as well. eventually, they all got back in the short bus. i didn't really pay much attention since i was devouring my chips at a rapid rate. and gulping as much diet coke as i could while it stayed cold. my water bottle was empty, and i didn't want to get up for a refill from the trusty gas station bathroom sink. it was hot from walking 2-3 miles, and i was dizzy from hunger.

i guess they sat in the bus talking for awhile. i dunno how long. until the driver, an older guy with a heavy southern accent hopped out of the driver's seat.
" excuse me, miss?"
i gazed up from my soda and cigarette. he got out to approach me with a large book in hand.
" ma'am, i work with a youth group and we hand out bibles and food for the homeless. are you hungry?"
i should have said 'yes' but i had a feeling...so i nodded 'no'. i had to get somewhere else anyways. more stuff to do.
he continued on, " i would like to give you this bible to spread the word of our lord jesus christ..." he smiled, holding out the book. i could feel the eyes of the young adult christians on me. great.
" naw, man. it's cool, but i'm not christian."
he tried to tell me he wanted me to have it. i politely declined. he wasnt mean about it. actually the guy was very friendly. it was hard not to laugh. or start talking about all the x-rated f-ed up stories in that book that people worship.

he wasnt mean about it, so i had no right to go off on him. they were not yelling sinner at me or anything. but it was so...weird....

i guess i look like a homeless heathen...
on the good side: no one will rob me at a gas station.

Video Killed the Radio Star...

the times they are a changin'- but i am not.

i do not know how to use an iphone. i am typing to you using a secondhand computer with a processor speed you guys would laugh at. and my friends have those funky digital cable boxes and i have no idea how to turn the damn things on. BUT...

i can dial a rotary phone superfast. i can make mixtapes. i know how to sew by hand. i know how to use a metal ice cube tray. i know how to make candles. i am useful for something...

i lived up the final hours of analog tv service. i plugged my trusty rabbit ears into my zenith and watched the stations fade away. i took a breather to go out clubbing to 80s music, of course. those rabbit ears are older than me. and i got a crystal clear picture with them! ok, well, not hd, but for the age of my tv and since it was free, not bad at all. i'm not picky on that.

we laughed at the setup. it was an analog party. i really dont want a new tv. and no, i dont have a converter box either. the last channel to go was a spanish channel.

i even made a cloth patch with computer printed iron on paper and a sticker reading 'long live analog'. (see image) i hope to have stickers available soon on cafepress.

people are pretty much giving away old tvs like no tomorrow. they're free. in some ways it's awesome, now i can get a vintage model for nothing. i'm waiting on people to toss their converter boxes and i'll just snag one then. i have other stuff to deal with, since the tvs i want have dials and screw in-type antennas. so i need a special converter to hook up my (free) dvd player.

and the video that keeps playing in my head is: the buggles- video killed the radio star

the auburndale cannolihead song

so, before i type up the lyrics to this song, i need to first explain the background. back in the day, in the 90s, i would be at south station in boston. sometimes i would stop in the large area where people waited for the commuter rail and sit while waiting for a bus, train, whatever. there was a particular line- the south station to worcester/framingham line. that line had a particular stop that the announcer saw some need to pronounce in a wicked funny way. the stop: auburndale. but no, the announcer didn't just say 'auburndale', no. he said, 'aaaawwww-bundale!' yeah, it was a pretty amusing way to pass the time when analog cell phones ruled and people didn't have internet on their phone yet. when people read newspapers. or made a huge deal out of the little coffee shop that boasted the new 'in' coffee drinks. when women wore chunky heels instead of 4 inch stilettos. when monica lewinsky and windows 95 was all the rage. we had a source of amusement: 'aaaawwww-bundale!'

so after my move down here, once i was able to get internet access, i found out that mike's pastry in the north end fed exed cannolis. down here it's just not the same. maybe somewhere in boston fed exes pizza. i hope so. pizza sucks here. i attempted to try to explain to my new southern friends just what a cannoli was and how good there were from back home. out of excitement and with it being xmas time, we decided to order some. and they were a hit! so good! so then i was asked to share some other things about boston. like the t, the commuter rail, how much it sucks to drive up there, etc. then we somehow got to talking about my amusement with 'aaaawwww-bundale!' this caused my southern friends to giggle with glee. one of them went to his keyboard and began singing, 'aaaaawwww-bundale!!! auburndale cannoliheads! auburndale cannoliheads!' while taping the keys in a very devo-like style. yeah, weird. and then this song came to be. if you're wondering, the tune is to dean martin's 'that's amore'.

here goes:
when the cream hits your eye from a cannoli pie- that's auburndale!
in between west newton and wellesley farms tstops- that's auburndale

people give the mid-dle finger like a hello and you'll sing- fu-uck you
it is mas-sa-chu-setts and you cant find a place to pahk your cah

when the the lobsters from maine and you think it's so plain- that's auburndale
when you walk down the street and it's 18 degrees- it just sucks
when you fall and break your leg, percocet, please senor-ay
xcuse-a me but you see back in old auburndale that is life

tired of high food prices? then grow your own!

i'm completely new to this. i have never gardened in my life. but i do like my fresh veggies. and i really prefer living head lettuce versus a regular one. it stays fresh so much longer and retains more nutrients. however, it doesn't run cheap. so this spring i set out to give growing a shot. i really didn't have much to work with besides a very over gown lawn, some planters my landlord had sitting in the garage, and some potting soil.

so for a mere $7, i got my hands on some peat pots and bibb lettuce seeds. within a few weeks, i had sprouts. finally, i transferred them to the large pots. mind you i have no experience in this.

and this is what i came up with in about 3-4 weeks:


taa daa! yummy fresh lettuce. every day. sitting on my porch. i have been lucky this year and had no pests. for watering, my landlord keeps a trash barrel that fills with rain water, which i use instead of a hose. i eventually plan to try and find ways to filter the rain water to use for laundry, cooking, etc. i'll let you know how that goes.

so if i can do it (with minimal space and resources) so can you!